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2015-02-22 01:06 am (UTC)
Re: Character death?
I'm sure you wanted something much more deep and serious, but this is what popped into my head.
Martin: Oh, God. I think we're dead. We're stood on a cloud, in a garden, and there's a gate... Oh God, oh God.
Douglas: Oh, she's done up the place since I last visited.
Martin: I remember turbulence, lightening, then... Nothing. Suddenly being here.
Douglas: Oh, I wouldn't worry.
Martin: Don't worry?! I'm DEAD!
Douglas: Can't get any worse then, can it? So no need to worry.
Martin: Ahh! Where did she come from?
Douglas: She didn't come from anywhere, Martin. Omnipresent.
Martin: What? Excuse me, Madam, but who are you, and am I dead?
Douglas: Let me introduce you both. God, this is Martin, my captain. Martin, this is my ex-wife, God.
Martin: God's a woman? Sorry, sorry - I didn't mean it like that. I'm a feminist, I swear. I have a t-shirt that says I am - please don't send me to Hell... Please.
God: I wouldn't send you to Hell, dear; that devil's a right cow. But I'm afraid you are a bit dead, technically.
Martin: Oh, God.
Martin: But why? Why? I mean, why?
God: It's Douglas' fault. He never visits.
God: Don't darling me! Divorce or no divorce, we split amicably, so you should visit. Your daughter misses you.
Martin: God is your ex-wife? What? Daughter?
Douglas: Oh, Darling, she's all grown and doesn't need visits from her dad all the time and we talk regularly. If she wanted to visit me herself she could.
God: She certainly cannot. Not what happened to her brother!
Douglas: Oh, that was over two thousand years ago. And he didn't exactly keep a low profile, letting everyone know just how well connected he was, daft sod. Though, I still think two thousand years is an excessive time to ground the lad, even if he did accidentally end up creating his own religion.
God: We've talked about this, Dougla-
Martin: Am I to understand that God has killed me so that she can bicker with you, Douglas?!
God: I'm not bickering! I just called him up... For a chat.
Douglas: Bored were you?
God: Yeah, it's a bit quiet. You?
Douglas: Oh, not too bad. Bought a flat, thinking of replacing the Lexus. But you knew all that... Omnipresent and all.
God: Polite to ask, though.
Martin: Omnipresent. You really watch over us? You know everything we do, even when we're alone?
God: Yes, Martin. And I know what you get up to on boring nights in alone. Naughty boy.
Martin: YOU REALLY WATCH THAT?!
God: No Martin. I don't. I'm an all powerful deity, I have better things to do than watch three and a half billion men wank.
Douglas: She lies. I once caught her watching Paul Newman with his hands down his pants.
God: It was the 60s, Douglas! And keep your voice down - he's here now... He makes the most heavenly salad dressings. Anyway, want to come in and sit down? I can have someone fetch tea and those nice brittle honey biscuits from the Mesopotamian era.
Martin: No! Sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but Is there any chance of a resurrection?
Douglas: I've told you, Martin. Don't worry.
Martin: But- but-
Douglas: Anyone else good come up recently?
God: Rik Mayall. He's one of my favorites at the moment. Absolutely hilarious.
Douglas: Oh yes, good one.
God: Seeing anyone?
Douglas: You know I'm not...
God: I might have to send my favorite winged archer after you.
Douglas: No match-making! So stop looking at Martin with that smirk. He's not interested.
God: Yes he is. Omniscient, remember. All-Knowing.
Martin: What, what?
Douglas: All-Meddling more like. Tell you what, what if I pop up for dinner this weekend?
God: Oh, I'll invite Rik! And do bring along Martin once he's recovered from the whole "meeting God" thing.
Douglas: Well, you do make an impression.
God: That's why you married me, Darling. See you Saturday night? 7:30?
Douglas: Why not. Come on, Martin.
Martin: Douglas, why are you clicking your fingers.... Douglas! We're back in the cock-pit! The storm cloud is behind us! We're alive!
Douglas: Told you not to worry. When I told you I was a Sky God I wasn't kidding. I got the title in the divorce.
Martin: Oh, my... I just met God!
Douglas: And you asked her if she watched you masturbate. Nice one... Most people go for 'What's the meaning of life?', but at least you were original.
Martin: Oh, God.
Douglas: Exactly. Also, what are you doing Saturday night?
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