cabinpres_fic: (Default)
cabinpres_fic ([personal profile] cabinpres_fic) wrote2012-02-03 07:49 am


Please see the most recent MOD NOTE

(updated 6 June)

Cabin Pressure Fic Prompt Post Three

Welcome everybody. How you got here I have no idea but thank you for coming and welcome again, nonetheless . As you may have gathered this is a Fic Prompting Meme dedicated solely to the hilarious and oh-so-addictive BBC Radio 4 sitcom - Cabin Pressure. I'm aiming for this to be pretty anything goes - but in order for everything to run smoothly, there are a few guidelines. Don't worry - they're not too restrictive.


As you probably all know - our meme now has it's very own database created and maintained by the great Enigel. It both catalogues each and every prompt that we post and provides links to fills. You can find it here: Google Spreadsheet

We also have a Pinboard archive which has been put in place by the lovely [personal profile] oxfordtweed in the place of our late Delicious Archive. This Archive contains a list of all the prompts this meme has to offer - you can find it here: Pinboard Archive

This is a great step forward in making our meme just a little more organised (but not too organised of course. This is Cabin Pressure) which is always a good thing.

So in order to make things easier to archive - Please nest your fills.

This can be done by either posting each part as a reply to that part's immediate predecessor, OR by replying each time to Part I OR - well you get the idea :D

It makes it simpler for Enigel and myself to link fills in a clean and clear manner. Following these guildelines will be very much appreciated guys :D


Reprompting is allowed but please include the URL of the original prompt when you do so. It will make it infinitely more easy to Archive which would make both Enigel and I very happy :)

As for everything else

  1. Be respectful to one another. Disagreements are fine, but not everything disagreeable is trolling. If you suspect someone of trolling, just ignore it. If you cannot respond to a comment without attacking or trolling someone else, keep it to yourself.

  2. No bashing prompts. It might not be your cup of tea - but obviously someone wants it enough to go to the effort of requesting it. So just scroll past it.

  3. Prompt away as much as you like guys - seriously, go wild - but please try to fill as well.

  4. NEW - If your fill includes a major element that veers from the original prompt (crossovers, established universes, kinks, et cetera), please take a few moments to check with the OP that such additions are welcome. This has caused problems in the past and it only takes a few moments of your time.
  5. Please no RPF. I'm not trying to oppress you RPF writers and enthusiasts, I would just really like to avoid any legal problems.

  6. When you post a fill (or post a new part of a WIP) please go over to the Filled Prompts Post (if it is complete) or the WIP Post (if there are still more parts to come) and, following each post's guideline's, post a link to this fill or new part.


According to numerous Child Safety laws it is illegal to provide pornographic material to minors. Seeing that the majority of the stuff we have here is rather adult in nature, this Meme is consequently an 18+ zone. Failing to comply to this rule could result in the Meme getting shut down. So if you're here and you're under 18 please back button now.

+ Please do not post anything regarding minors in a sexual situation. It really doesn't matter how tasteful or crass it is, there are laws that classify that sort of thing as child pornography and as such, I'm afraid we're going to have to go with the attitude that safe is better than sorry.

It really is VERY important that these rules are upheld as the consequences are severe.

Other than that - go crazy guys. Any problems please just message me and I'll try my best to work it out.

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Prompt Index

Current Prompt Post | Current Chatter Post | WIP Post | Filled Prompts Post | Searching Post | Orphan Post | Page-a-Mod Post | FAQ | Beta/Concrit Post
[ profile]cabin_pressure @ LJ | Cabin Pressure @ AO3 | IRC Chat @ #FittonATC

Martin and Paramount Martin

[personal profile] straydog733 2012-02-10 07:11 am (UTC)(link)
The two Martin's actually do end up getting a pint together back in Fitton. They find they like spending time together and end up hanging out quite a lot.

(It can turn into a romance or stay a friendship, as long as they get close and enjoy one another's company. Martin needs some friends outside work.)

Tentacles+Martin=shameless kink (dub-con)

(Anonymous) 2012-02-10 08:07 am (UTC)(link)
OK, I don't think our fandom has a hardcore tentacle!fic yet, so I'm going to prompt one. Unfortunately and predictably, Martin will be my preferred victim. Have it happen anywhere you like, except for Martin's flat. Somewhere semi-public preferably (the woods, the Fitton airfield, maybe some alley way in a foreign country etc). I would love to see Martin squirm, fluster and embarrassed when he realizes what the monster will do to him.

Can I also have one of those special tentacle creatures that secrete a special drug/aphrodisiac to keep Martin pliant and happy? Cuz that's what I like about a good tentacle fic, that the victim completely gives in and has the best super-natural sex of their lives! (albeit in a dub-conny way that's got a bit of a creepy element)

Bonus points if the fic ends in a bit of h/c with Douglas finding Martin naked and unconscious after the tentacle sex and the tentacle creature has slithered away. You know, wrap him in a coat/blanket/whatever, takes Martin to bed (at his flat, hotel room, maybe sofa) to sleep off the weird drugged sex.

Re: Tentacles+Martin=shameless kink (dub-con)

(Anonymous) 2012-02-10 08:17 am (UTC)(link)

At least for this prompt, no voyeurism please? I just want the awesome tentacle sex to be just between Martin and his little sex creature. It adds to the creepy element when Martin is completely alone with this creature. :)

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Some visual inspiration... *coughs*

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mini-fill 1/2

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[personal profile] straydog733 2012-02-10 08:41 am (UTC)(link)
The game of the day is "Never Have I Ever".

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 03:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Seconded! I would absolutely love to see this filled, especially if something really embarassing/unexpected comes out (Martin outs himself under the bravado of alcohol perhaps?).

Little Fill

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Nice Mycroft ftw! (Sherlock crossover)

(Anonymous) 2012-02-10 12:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Of all the Sherlock crossovers I've seen (and I'm not a big fan of crossovers but I really want this) I don't think I've seen a fic where Mycroft is nice to Martin. He's always a bit of a prick really and I love Mycroft and think if we want a brotherly crossover with Sherlock, then one where Mycroft is nice to Martin and/or they bond wouldn't hurt. I'd love to see one where Mycroft wants to help with Martin's financial situation but the poor captain is as stubborn as sherlock and kicks up a right fuss in refusal. Or anything really, it doesn't matter. =p kthnxbai

*slinks back under rock*

Re: Nice Mycroft ftw! (Sherlock crossover)

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Ficlet fill

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Douglas' midlife crisis makes Douglas and Martin grow closer

(Anonymous) 2012-02-10 04:39 pm (UTC)(link)
(After his divorce from Helena,) Douglas has a bit of a midlife crisis, which makes Martin and he become (better) friends.

Douglas' actions = Injured Martin

(Anonymous) 2012-02-10 05:01 pm (UTC)(link)
I'd really love to see something where Martin is physically hurt as a direct (or almost direct) consequence of Douglas' actions... cue guilt!fic! Don't care if it's slash or gen, fluff, H/C, or angst.... And injuries can range from the less severe (mild concussion, bruised ribs) to the downright fatal.

How Douglas' actions result in Martin's injuries is totally up to the filler. Some ideas (obviously don't feel beholden to any of these):

  • Douglas carelessness or laziness during some in-flight routine results in an accident that injures Martin
  • Douglas refuses to help fill out paperwork after a long flight, leaving an already sleep-deprived Martin to do it. After finishing up in the office, an exhausted Martin gets behind the wheel of his van to drive home... and has an accident on the way.
  • Douglas falls off the wagon and drives drunk... with Martin in the car, or with on the road in the car's direct path.
  • Douglas & Martin have a row, and Martin gets behind the wheel while angry and, quite frankly, not all there emotionally. Cue accident!
  • Douglas abandons Martin at a hotel or bar in a not-so-desirable neighborhood (because Carolyn would never pay for a hotel in a nice area, right?), and Martin is attacked.
  • For the slash-aficionados on the meme.... S&M play gone out of hand? Non-con?

Re: Douglas' actions = Injured Martin

(Anonymous) 2012-02-10 05:07 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh this prompt is so me I could have prompted it much for getting anything done tonight.

*opens word file*

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Yellow Blue Pink Black

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Martin's secret Valentine

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
someone leaves this for Martin in his cubby at MJN

Arthur is the obvious and sweet choice. Could be Douglas, picking this card to throw Martin off his trail. Or could be some OC, author's choice.


(Anonymous) 2012-02-12 07:48 pm (UTC)(link)

Douglas received five valentine cards that year. From various stewardesses (and one steward) that he had shared lunch with.

Arthur received two from his friends at the pony club where he volunteered.

Carolyn received one from Herc Shipwright. Whether or not one was returned she never said.

Martin had resigned himself to his 34th year of not receiving a valentine days card. Okay the first five years of his life were a given, so let’s call it the 29th year of not receiving a valentines day card. Not that it helped at all.

So when he found one in his pigeon hole at MJN, he naturally assumed that it was another one of Douglas’s, until he opened it.




A month of asking around never revealed the identity of the secret admirer. The card was kept on the flight deck of GERTI, pinned to the left of Martin’s seat. Whenever he glanced at it, it was always with a smile.

He became more confident. He repeated himself less. Lost that nervous twitch when asserting his authority. He seemed brighter. More awake, and less like his limbs were made of lead.

He gathered his courage, and asked out the cute blond on the reception desk at the Fitton Airfield, the one whose laugh made her sound like a shaking hyena.

And when the rest of MJN made eye two weeks later, Douglas winked, and Carolyn nodded, and Arthur gave them both a thumbs up.

Mission accomplished.

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Cabin Pressure/Community

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 02:44 am (UTC)(link)
(For whatever reason), MJN Air takes the Study Group to (place of your choice).

Because it seems to me that if the Study Group is going to go anywhere, they'd go on MJN.

Gen preferred, but Britta/Martin encouraged.

Re: Cabin Pressure/Community

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 04:15 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, goodness. Martin/Britta - so much for him to be completely befuddled by in her, and so much for her to try to fix in him.

(I assume you've already seen it, but there is one CP/Community fic on AO3.)

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Nobody Messes With Carolyn

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 08:31 am (UTC)(link)
Inspired by this prompt and subsequent fill:

Don't care why, don't care from who (Gordon is a possibility I suppose but by no means necessary), but I want the entire crew (plus Herc) jumping to Carolyn's defense over something. Not that she really needs it of course, but still. Protective!crew is the absolute best. :) It can be over something really minor if you like, and that might actually work better in some ways.

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 10:19 am (UTC)(link)
Martin doesn't wear underwear. Douglas thinks this is tease-worthy/sexy/what-have-you, until he finds out that it's because Martin can't really afford it.

May or may not be inspired by me finding my SO throwing away most of my nasty, old underwear and then taking me shopping for new pairs.

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 11:14 am (UTC)(link)
I can strangely imagine Douglas trying to persuade him as to the pleasures of owning the finest designer, luxury undies, and Martin being all "But... a £5 multi-pack from ASDA will do fine..."

Winter chill

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 11:19 am (UTC)(link)
Carolyn's sick of looking at Martin shivering in his unsuitably thin coat and knackered old trainers. Because frankly looking at him is making HER feel cold and it's irritating. (Honest.)
So, just because it's really annoying (she has no ulterior motives or sympathies at all, so you can shut your face) she decides he's probably due for some sort of... winter bonus. Which due to financial constraints is to be paid entirely in warm clothing.
aron_kristina: Garbo being fab! (Default)

Re: Winter chill

[personal profile] aron_kristina 2012-02-11 11:58 am (UTC)(link)
Yes, this!

Inspired by BAMF!Arthur fill...

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 03:43 pm (UTC)(link)
I'd love to see the boys of MJN getting into a fight. Either one of them gets involved in a fight and the others join in, or whether they're defending someone's honour (can be Carolyn, although she doesn't really need it being the Alpha dog), I just want to see them rolling their sleeves up and diving right in, and then the standard moments of congratulations as they celebrate their victory tending to each others wounds.

Bonus points for:
* Arthur being both a BAMF and his usual innocent self ("You should really try hitting them like this Douglas! If you get their nose, it makes a funny squishy sound, like when Martin sat on the Travelling Lemon!")
* Douglas being the most seasoned of bar-fighters, having learned a thing or two at AirEngland.
*Martin being suprisingly inventive with his weaponry ("Martin? Did you just knock that one out with your mobile?")
kenizz: orange benedict (Default)

Re: Inspired by BAMF!Arthur fill...

[personal profile] kenizz 2012-02-11 03:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes, seconded HARD

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Fill: Air Kickass

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The Pets of MJN

[personal profile] straydog733 2012-02-11 06:19 pm (UTC)(link)
So we know that Carolyn and Arthur have Snoopadoop, but does anyone else have pets? Does Douglas have a dignified and vastly superior cat? Does Martin have a goldfish in his apartment that he talks about all his trips to? Who feeds their pets when they are away?

Just looking for anything with them having pets (even if it's just a greater focus on Snoopadoop).
endquestionmark: (Default)

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Sid and Sady

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What's in a name?

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(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 07:33 pm (UTC)(link)
I helped a friend to move house today, and at one point quipped "I've found my calling. I should be a (wo)man with a van. I'm having fun".

So can we just have something where Martin is helping one of the MJNers to move house. He's get's put through the wringer so much on this meme (Especially when it's me writing the fills). Let's see him having fun.

Bonus if it is Douglas being moved, and he enjoys seeing Martin "off the job" and being carefree and stress free for once.

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 08:01 pm (UTC)(link)
Seconded. :)

Mr Sargent/Dr Peter Duncan

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 10:01 pm (UTC)(link)
I was listening to Ipswich again - can never get bored of it - and... *hides* I would like some Mr Sargent/Dr Duncanh hatesex. Or maybe not so much hate as mild adversity? And maybe some D/s and roleplay.

Because Dr Duncan did sound very keen on roleplay... :D ("Would you like to roleplay through that with me, Douglas?")

Crack welcome and encouraged.
annievh: (Default)

Re: Mr Sargent/Dr Peter Duncan

[personal profile] annievh 2012-02-12 01:48 am (UTC)(link)

i like this!

Sherlock Spoilers

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 10:40 pm (UTC)(link)
After the events of Reichenbach, John finds he can't stay at Baker Street, and moves to a small doctors practice in Fitton to hide away while the media frenzy dies down and to try and move on. He hires Martin to help with the removal. Their friendship goes from there.

I would adore seeing John helping Martin to gaining more confidence in his own abilities, being a friendly ear when all the teasing and money problems get too much, just being the sort of platonic friend Martin's maybe never had before. Maybe he also plays matchmaker to find Martin a partner perfect for him (Molly? Henry Knight? Lestrade?).

Anon's choice about whether you want to go along the Hiatus route with Sherlock's return at the end, or whether John stays in Fitton (although I'd imagine his heart would always miss London)

TL;DR - During the Hiatus, John Watson moves to Fitton and strikes up a friendship with Martin Crieff

Inspired by the Pets of MJN

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 10:45 pm (UTC)(link)
Martin has a Tamagotchi. He's quite proud that it's the one thing he's ever been able to do right, keeping it alive so long, but he keeps it secret because he thinks Douglas will laugh at him.

Then it turns out Douglas has a Tamagotchi too.

What you want to do with that is up to you!

Re: Inspired by the Pets of MJN

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 10:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Yay that was my comment. I made a prompt happen!

This makes me happier than it should.

Seconding. So seconding,

Martin is bad at suicide

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 10:49 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm not very good at writing myself, but I can't get this exchange out of my head:

Douglas: Good lord, what happened to your neck?
Martin: My rope broke.
Douglas: What?
Martin: Well, apparently you can add "hanging yourself" to the list of things I can't do.

I imagined it being more humorous than anything, but do with it what you will!

Re: Martin is bad at suicide

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 11:26 pm (UTC)(link)
I want to see this A LOT for some unexplainable reason. Seconded.

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Re: Fill: Break

[personal profile] straydog733 - 2012-02-15 02:20 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Fill: Break

(Anonymous) - 2012-06-02 04:47 (UTC) - Expand

all the pet prompts reminded me of this, which I kept forgetting to post

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 11:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Martin tends to leave his windows open in the summer, since it's not like he has anything worth stealing and it is the attic.

one day he comes home to find a cat on his bed. it hasn't made a mess or anything, it's just curled up in the middle of his bed.

and it keeps coming back. Martin resigns himself to having been adopted by a cat and quite likes the company.

The cat is white with black markings, mostly over it's eyes, covering it's back and all the way up both it's back legs.

But since the cat showed up, Martin's luck has changed. It's still bizarre and embarrassing but things start to work out in Martin's favour.

Yes, he tripped on the last step, but as he was lying on the floor, he saw a twenty someone had lost under the couch. An old lady booked him for the wrong day, but her lovely daughter needed help that day anyway, so since he was there, he took the job. And got her number. He even beat Douglas at a word game since his cat had taken to knocking books of his shelves and he ended up reading things he didn't know he had.

Then someone, anyone, points out that his luck changed after a cat with boots showed up in his life and is all "Oh no, that's just silly!... but..."

tl;dr Martin gets adopted by a cat. The cat may or may not be Puss In Boots.

Re: all the pet prompts reminded me of this, which I kept forgetting to post

(Anonymous) 2012-02-18 11:55 am (UTC)(link)
I love this prompt more than I should.


(Anonymous) 2012-02-12 12:13 am (UTC)(link)
Watching Madagascar, and a thought occured to me: MJN Penguins.

...that is all...

(Anonymous) 2012-02-12 12:15 am (UTC)(link)
Carolyn: Just smile and wave boys

... yep - I can see it XD

Seconded like a mad seconding thing x2

(no subject)

[personal profile] annievh - 2012-02-12 01:31 (UTC) - Expand

i think i have what you are looking for

(Anonymous) - 2012-06-06 03:44 (UTC) - Expand

Re: i think i have what you are looking for

(Anonymous) - 2012-06-06 04:03 (UTC) - Expand

Audio Erotica

(Anonymous) 2012-02-12 02:18 am (UTC)(link)
It turns Martin on when Douglas sings any of Javert's songs from Les Miserables.

(But who can blame him? For anyone unaware, Roger Allam is the original Javert for the London Cast of the musical.)

annievh: (Default)

Re: Audio Erotica

[personal profile] annievh 2012-02-12 02:25 am (UTC)(link)
i was listening to STARS when i read that!

castle on a cloud 1/1

[personal profile] missmarple - 2012-03-29 00:50 (UTC) - Expand

Re: castle on a cloud 1/1

(Anonymous) - 2012-06-14 18:01 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) 2012-02-12 02:50 am (UTC)(link)
Martin's not short, he just has piss-poor body posture from having to drive a van so long that even he has forgotten his own height. Douglas helpfully undoes the kinks in Martin's back and my God, Martin, where were you hiding those extra centimeters?

(Anonymous) 2012-02-12 01:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh my god, thisssssss. So much sympathy about the piss poor posture. Martin probably has the same issue that I do - total lack of confidence in my early years means I rarely stand straight. :(

Seconded with the mighty fury of...of...SURPRISING RICE!

(no subject)

[personal profile] tiwtin - 2012-02-12 13:52 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) 2012-02-12 03:35 am (UTC)(link)
Something bad happens to Martin (gasp). I'm thinking family calling to harass and generally emotionally abuse him, romantic partner cheating on him, or someone attempting sexual assault and Martin just barely escaping, but those are just suggestions. At any rate, he's shaken and upset and doing a terrible job of hiding it, and he's just waiting for Douglas to start mocking him -

Except that whatever has happened, and Martin's reaction to it, has set off Douglas's paternal instincts. Cue fatherly!Douglas calming Martin down and putting the fear of the Sky-God into whoever is responsible for the situation.

(Would prefer this not to be a pairing fic, if at all possible...)

FILL: That Doesn't Make It Funny

(Anonymous) 2012-02-12 05:25 am (UTC)(link)
TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of M/M sexual assault.

It was only half-ten when a clearly intoxicated Martin stumbled into the hotel room.

Douglas muted the television and regarded his captain with raised eyebrows. "Have you run out of red paint already?"

"What? I - oh. I just - got... bored."

"Ah, and naturally your first thought was to return to the hotel, with its four tv stations and strict lights-out policy."

"Um. Yes. Yes. Yes, that's exactly -"

Douglas frowned. "Martin."

"Wh - what?"

"You're repeating yourself."


"You're lying."

Martin, who had been moving vaguely in the direction of the loo, suddenly froze. "Douglas, please don't."

"Don't what?"

"Just - don't. I don't - want to -" Martin cut himself off, clapping a hand over his mouth as his eyes went wide. He bolted into the toilet and slammed the door behind him. A few seconds later, Douglas heard him retching and coughing.

His frowned deepened.

This looked less like Martin failing to chat anyone up and returning to the hotel in defeat and more like -

something entirely more serious.

And now that he thought about it - Martin's face... He'd seen that look before.

"Dad? I don't - I don't want to go to school today."

"Why not?"

"I - I'm... sick. I'm sick."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"...Daddy, please don't make me go."

"Why are you crying? No, come here, darling, it's all right... What's the matter?"

"There's this boy -"

Douglas shook his head. Ridiculous. He was being ridiculous. He was jet-lagged and bored and his mind was playing tricks on him.

Except that he was Douglas Richardson, and he didn't fall prey to things like that.

Martin came out a minute or so later, looking pale and miserable. He sat down on the end of his bed, dropping his head in his hands.

Douglas stood and crossed the room, crouching next to him but very deliberately not touching him. "Martin," he said quietly. "What happened?"

Martin shook his head, whimpering softly. "I don't - want to..."

"Martin. What. Happened."

Martin dropped his hands away from his face. For a moment, he looked startled to see Douglas so close to him, and at eye-level. He swallowed. "I - um. H-Hello. Well - there was... Er." He licked his lips, eyes darting side to side as though seeking some means of escape.

Very, very slowly, trying to make his movements and motives obvious, Douglas got off the floor and sat beside Martin on the bed. Martin took a deep breath.

"There was - a man. At the pub. I was - I was chatting him up, doing rather well, I think, for me I mean - oh, um, I like - men, probably should have started with that so this would make sense, like women too, that's not why I haven't - with stewardesses or - I haven't because I'm - me, not because -"


"Right. Right. Sorry. Um. He seemed nice enough and - and actually... interested in - in me, so I asked him if I could have his n- his number so I could call him when we were both sober, seeing as we're - we're here for the next few days, and - but he said..." Martin licked his lips again and shut his eyes. A few seconds passed before he continued. "He said - why wait that long? And - and dragged me outside..."

"Martin, where is this going?" Douglas said, more sharply than he'd intended because he thought he might know the answer.

"There's this boy - older than me... He keeps - looking at me and - and - and touching me -"

"Touching you where?"

"It's - it doesn't -"

"Touching. You. Where."

"Nowhere - nowhere bad, but he won't - stop, and I don't - like it; he says I'm pretty but I don't - I don't - I don't - I can't go to school, I'll - I'll be sick, I'll faint, I'll -"

"Calm down, calm down... Shh, now. It's all right... You don't have to go today. ...What's this boy's name?"

Martin shook his head. "Not as far as you're probably thinking."

"Do you need a hospital?"

"No! Nothing - nothing like that. He, um." Martin swallowed, looking away. "He pushed m- me up - against the wall, and - kissed me. For, um. Rather a long time, actually, and I thought - I thought maybe that was as far as he was going to - take it, and I didn't - I didn't mind that so much, so I - started to kiss back and then, of course, my luck, he decided that meant I w- wanted more, so - he, um."

Douglas suddenly realized that the top button of Martin's shirt was undone. Almost robotically, he reached up to fix it. Martin stared down at his hand as he did so. "Oh. Yes. He. Did that. Right. And then, um. When he realized I had another shirt on under-underneath, he -" Martin broke off and brought his hands up to his mouth. Douglas thought for a moment that he was going to be sick again, before realizing with a jolt that he was choking back sobs. He laid a cautious hand on Martin's back, rubbing it in slow circles when Martin didn't flinch away from the contact.

"It's all right... It's all right." Repeating yourself, Douglas.

Oh, shut up.

Martin slowly lowered his hands, closing his eyes again and gasping in a deep breath. "He put his hand down my trousers instead."

Douglas had the sudden and nearly irresistible need to do something violent. He settled for clenching the hand that wasn't on Martin's back into a fist and driving it hard into the mattress.


Martin kept talking, quickly, as though not wanting to end any significant part of the story on that note. "So I, um. Headbutted him. Still a bit dizzy, actually, though that might be because I'm still - drunk - I mean, obviously I'm still drunk, why w- wouldn't I be, surprised I didn't b-black out on the way here, might s-still do - but - anyway, he - fell back away from me and started - swearing and saying I'd been leading him on, I w- wanted something like this to happen for the attention I'd get, and - and then he came at me again, and I, um." Martin ducked his head slightly, suddenly grinning. "I punched him."

Douglas was caught off-guard. "You? You punched him?"

"Yes." Martin was still grinning.

Douglas blinked. "Well... Good for you."

"I mean, it wasn't a very good punch, I think I mostly just got his cheek, but he fell over and I - ran for it. That was - that was all that happened. It's - stupid, really, getting this upset."

"No, it's not," Douglas said firmly.

"Isn't it?"


"Oh. Well, um. I - th... Thank you, Douglas." Martin cleared his throat, staring at the floor. "I... have to admit, I - I was a bit afraid you'd just... laugh at me."

Douglas stared at him. "What?"

"Oh, you know... Ha-ha, what's Martin done now?"

"Oh, yes," said Douglas with a scowl. "Nearly being raped. Hilarious. What will you do next?"

"Well, it's - it didn't happen, though."

"That doesn't make it funny."

"...No." Martin's voice was small. "No, it doesn't." He bit his lip. A moment later he brought his hands up to cover his mouth again as his shoulders started shaking.

Douglas sighed, debating with himself for a moment over the best course of action. Physical comfort was, perhaps, not the best solution in this case - Martin hadn't seemed to mind the hand on his back, but anything more than that might spook him.

But Martin made the decision for him, shifting closer to Douglas and resting his forehead against his shoulder. Douglas brought his other arm up and wrapped Martin in a carefully loose embrace, leaving the younger man plenty of room to get away if he wanted to.

Escape, however, seemed to be the last thing on Martin's mind. He clutched at Douglas's shirt with both hands and wept into his shoulder, shaking like a leaf. It was apparent to Douglas that he was trying to calm himself down - he was pulling in deep, gasping breaths -, but equally apparent that he was utterly failing at it - each breath got stuck in his throat on the exhale and choked him.

Douglas began rubbing his back again, feeling like he was in some sort of dream. This sort of thing just - wasn't what happened to them. Things went wrong, all the time, catastrophically wrong, but not on this level.

They sat there for nearly ten minutes, Martin sobbing brokenly and Douglas quietly shushing him. Finally, finally, Martin managed a proper deep breath, and then another, and at last he was still and calm.

Except for Douglas's hand, still moving in slow circles on Martin's back, neither of them moved.

"Martin," Douglas said quietly. "What was this guy's name?"


Martin woke to the sound of the door creaking open. He sat up and immediately regretted it. Having an inner ear defect, getting drunk, stumbling home terrified in the dark and tripping over everything, and then having a truly spectacular (and probably embarrassing when he was sober enough to actually think about it) cry after throwing up most of what had been in his stomach did not add up to his head feeling particularly glad to be attached to his shoulders.

On top of all that, he was fairly certain he'd just accidentally come out of the closet to his first officer in about the most horrible way possible.

"Douglas?" he asked, voice strained.

"Ah, Sleeping Beauty awakens."

"What's going on?"

"Do you know, when you ask somebody if something is their name, and they say 'Who wants to know?', nine times out of ten, it's their name?"


"Oh, and about that punch you threw - I think it was better than you thought it was. He had a pretty decent black eye when I found him."


"And now he's got the broken nose to match. I'm sure he'll come up with a good story for both."


Re: FILL: That Doesn't Make It Funny

(Anonymous) - 2012-02-12 06:02 (UTC) - Expand

Re: FILL: That Doesn't Make It Funny

(Anonymous) - 2012-02-12 06:46 (UTC) - Expand

Re: FILL: That Doesn't Make It Funny

(Anonymous) - 2012-02-12 06:51 (UTC) - Expand

Re: FILL: That Doesn't Make It Funny

(Anonymous) - 2012-02-12 18:33 (UTC) - Expand

Re: FILL: That Doesn't Make It Funny

(Anonymous) - 2012-02-13 13:21 (UTC) - Expand

Re: FILL: That Doesn't Make It Funny

(Anonymous) - 2013-03-17 05:15 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) 2012-02-12 03:35 am (UTC)(link)
Douglas catches himself saying seriously to Martin (or Carolyn), "I might be wrong, but I think..."

Fill: "I might be wrong but..."

(Anonymous) 2012-03-10 01:37 am (UTC)(link)
impulse fill, typed directly into comment box, hope it suffices

"Carolyn, I might be wrong, but I think Martin may have found himself a paramour."

Carolyn raised her eye brow, "And what brought you to that unlikely conclusion, Douglas?"

Douglas hitched his hip up onto the corner of Carolyn's desk and leaned in consiprationally, "Well, on at least three occasions last month, Martin was almost late and uncharacteristically reticent to explain why."

Carolyn leaned back in her chair, tossing her pen onto the desk, "Yes. That was a bit strange, but that's hardly conclusive."

Douglas shrugged, he hadn't expected Carolyn to be convinced easily. "Two weeks ago I saw him on the high street, struggling with a rather heavy looking chest but in spite of this, he had the most ridiculous grin plastered to his face. It hasn't really gone away since then."

Carolyn nodded, "I've noticed it too, when he thinks no one can see. On any one else, I'd say it was the stupid grin of the well-laid man but this is Martin we're talking about. I need more proof."

"Yesterday, my car was in the shop so Martin gave me a ride. After a rather empathic stop, an empty condom box slid out from under my seat. You don't really think someone in Martin's financial situation would by condoms if he didn't need to, do you?" Douglas examined his nails.

"You call a condom box conclusive evidence?" Carolyn scoffed.

Douglas began to casually examine his first officer's cap. "Perhaps not, but when I went pick up Martin this morning, to return the favour, I was slightly surprised to find that not only was Martin not ready but he was still in bed."

"Get on with it, Douglas. You obviously are building up to some dramatic denouement." Carolyn narrowed her eyes.

"I took it upon myself to wake him, did doesn't do to be late, you know. I've always insisted on a certain value of punctuality myself..."

Carolyn picked up her pen again and began to resume her work, "If that value is 'not punctual' then yes. Douglas, your next words had better be very interesting because I'm getting very bored."

"I must admit I was not expecting to find him in bed with another person, much less Arthur."

Carolyn paled, "Arthur? My Arthur?"

Douglas moued, "Unless you know of other Arthurs and have failed to mention them?"

At that moment, Douglas was expecting some sort of amusing explosion from Carolyn.

He was doomed to disappointment.

"He told me Martin wasn't his type. Too skinny." Carolyn said, looking thoughtful.

"Too skinny?" Douglas blurted out.

"Yes. The silly boy tells me everything. When we first hired Martin, he went on for a few days about how he liked 'Skip' but didn't 'like' like him because he was too skinny and had a bony arse." Carolyn said, grinning like a shark.

"Arthur also told me that he thought you had a lovely, plummy voice but he didn't consider you because you were too full of yourself and a bit tubby."

"He never!" Douglas exclaimed "I am not tubby, I'm well upholstered! ...You knew."

Carolyn laughed, "Of course, I knew, silly man. This is Arthur were talking about. And I walked in on them in my living room last month. Eeeerg."

Douglas smirked, "Not the most inspiring sight, I take it?"

"Don't get too smug, Douglas. Just wait until your daughter starts dating. It was disturbing but nothing half a bottle of vodka didn't blot out nicely. Now if you're done gossiping, go. Some of us have better things to do."

"So you don't want to hear about what I saw Dirk and Carl doing in the Hose and Hydrant?" Douglas asked.

Carolyn looked up sharply, "Now that is news!"


(Anonymous) - 2012-03-10 01:42 (UTC) - Expand

Re: OP

(Anonymous) - 2012-03-11 05:25 (UTC) - Expand

(Anonymous) 2012-02-12 03:51 am (UTC)(link)
Martin secretly writes Peanuts fanfiction about Charlie Brown becoming rich and successful and all of his old friends looking up to him and having to beg him for money and favors.